The Ride, Part II

Aliens in science fiction books never suffer from minor ailments like hangnails or dyspepsia. On the other hand, their chances of having an appendage blown off seems to be impressively high. And they’re far more likely to be blown up entirely than to choke on a meatball. They don’t sprain their wrists, don’t wake up with grit in their eyes, and almost never drool by accident when they forget to close their mouths. Aliens in books always hear each other perfectly, and the straps on their underwear never need adjusting, and they never get paper cuts.

Some day I will write a book that focuses only on minutiae. It’s something that I think about from time to time. When I write my science fiction story, my aliens will experience minor difficulties constantly, just to make up for the glaring omission elsewhere. An antenna will get caught between hemispheric brain plates causing a great deal of embarrassment. Or they’ll start cussing at random intervals, and break stuff that they really loved, and then regret it.

But I digress.

When I reengage my senses I see that we’ve picked up another person, a gay man with a shaved head and an immense goatee. He’s somehow managed to pack himself between toymaker and college student. We’re driving slowly through a crowded part of the city. The sun is setting and the randoms are strolling casually, enjoying the cool evening. College student is peering out the windows with interest, and I’m guessing he doesn’t often make it to this part of the city.

“And this area is known for leather,” goatee tells college.

June chirps a laugh. “Oh, don’t scare him.”

College makes a dismissive “tch.”

“No really,” goatee insists. “For about thirty years now leather has been really big here.”

Toymaker hasn’t been paying attention. Aliens always pay attention, but in real life you sometimes miss crucial parts of what’s going on. She tries to contribute something meaningful though. “Are you talking about the Mafia?”

Goatee is quick to put her on track. “No, dear, leather. We’re talking leather. It’s much more interesting.”

“Oh, you just haven’t met the right Family,” I say.

Related Tales

» “Hair” (21 of Dec, 2004)
» “Reality” (22 of Jan, 2004)
» “Figuring It Out” (11 of Jan, 2004)