Date: Thu, 29 Jan 2004
From: Stacy G.
Subject: things in my shower water
I take a lot of showers, but I have this fear that the little black particles that shoot out of the shower head are fecal matter, or something else gross. Do you have any idea what's going on?
We understand your concern. However, the most efficient way to deal with any troublesome issue is to try to look at it from two alternate perspectives. First, understand that there's a very real explanation. Second, realize that things could be worse.
The explanation to the foreign matter in your shower stream has nothing to do with fecal contamination. By the time water arrives at your house it's already undergone a rigorous filtration process, both physical and chemical, and can be considered potable. The true answer then concerns what happens to the water between the water distribution system and your shower head. Most likely your pipes are slowly disintegrating, which isn't cause for concern in and of itself. No, the real question is whether your pipes are leaking somewhere behind the wall, and how long this has been going on. Sustained dampness leads to Stachybotrys, or "black rot," which leads to deadly spores, which leads to asphyxiation and spontaneous combustion in most cases. That crazy old suburban nightmare!
But things could be worse. There was a story in the New Jersey Star-Ledger last year about a woman who was pierced in the head and neck by five short needles that shot out her shower head like bullets. Normally this would be impossible, but two employees at the water filtration plant were to blame. Also, we personally knew of a young man who got his big toe stuck in the drain during a routine shower, and was subsequently unable to reach anyone for help. For several days the drainpipe millipedes, finding their egress occluded, lapped and lapped at his stuck toe, thus depositing their flesh-eating saliva, which went to work steadily, but slowly.
The shower is a dangerous place, no matter how you look at it. In light of this fact it might not be a bad idea for us to go ahead and suggest a slight lifestyle change. Shower drains are centipede nests, so the first thing you should do is to keep these pests at bay by using yours solely as a urinal, and to keep the drain covered up with duct tape when not in use. For bathing we would recommend using your toilet.
-scamper.org